It’s a Man’s world

The matriarchy of my all girls school, the sexism of my co-ed high school and where is a woman’s place in society

All' Ultimo Lavoro, that was the motto for the all girls school I attended from aged 4-11. It meant Strive for the highest in Latin and the school didn’t let any of us fall short of that motto. It felt like a Matriarchy, everyone on the school board was a woman, we hoarded into assembly to sit for two hours listening to that month’s inspirational female speaker, even the ministers of the church were all woman but one man who spoke every Thursday service of a woman’s intrinsic ability to succeed. I was in a bubble, protected from the sexism in society running rife outside the school gates. The school drove a highly competitive nature into each one of us girls, unknowingly to us setting us up to be strong women for the ruthless prejudice woman face in the world. We were taught to be polite, courteous, and kind but first we were taught to be ambitious, confident, and independent. I never experienced in classrooms the typical

Can I get a strong boy to carry these seats

Because there was zero male influence in our circle. In my world a woman’s place in the world was no less important than a mans, and I truly believed this school, followed with the presence of my strong, confident mother set me up to be the person I am today, the dreams I dream because I believe so confidently in myself that I can achieve my dreams.

Aged 12 I moved to Glasgow, Scotland from Sydney, Australia. I settled into the last all girls school in the city, within 2 years it closed down due to a lack of funds. The only option was a co-ed school. I walked into an English classroom, confident. I was ready to make an excellent impression in my favourite subject. I sat in a vacant seat in a row of girls, polite and friendly up the back. Question after question my hand shot straight in the air, my fingers dancing hoping to be picked to answer the question. However quickly I realised there was little to no competition. I was used to battling with my peers, sitting up straighter so my hand could be seen clearer, piercing my hand through the crowd before the question was finished. I am by no means a know-it-all, the cleverest person in the room, just for once I was the most confident person in the room. I heard the girls by me whisper to each other the correct answer, they knew the answer, they had the knowledge, the intelligence but lacked the confidence. At the time I was completely bewildered by the lack of competition, but when I asked my new girl friends their response is soul crushing to this day

God no we don’t put up our hands, we don’t want the boys to think we’re desperate or stupid

A completely alien thought to me. Off the tip of my tongue was well why does that even matter what they think? My question was answered by a cluster of laughs, like asking why a boy’s opinion of you was more important than your education was the most absurd thing for a 14 year old girl to say. And to be honest it was absurd, it was so far from the normal it could be only be understood as absurd I didn’t value the boy’s impressions of me, but that was how I was raised, conditioned, moulded.

I signed up for cricket when enrolling, so when sports Wednesday rolled around I was all ready to head towards the cricket bus before my girl friends asked what sport I was doing for the year.

Cricket, I proclaimed very confidently. I was a great batter back in Sydney

The were quick to stop me, because only the boys did cricket. The boys sports option was rugby and cricket, and the girls had the choice of tennis or athletics. Having joined a new school 2 days prior, I was reluctant to choose this point to make a statement and march onto the cricket bus. I spent 3 years playing tennis 2 hours a week and I loathed it. Now was I going to be the next world superstar at Cricket, probably not, but nonetheless I was robbed at the opportunity of playing a sport I loved because some sexist man decided to gender a sport.

When I was 16 I ended up making the horribly decision of taking higher chemistry, my dreaded least favourite subject and to even more of my demise we were assigned seats. Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl. I later found out in a conversation with the male teacher why he assigned us so no girl sat together or no boy sat together

Well I found quite a few rather interesting studies that show at your age boys are more immature than girls and get worse of test scores than girls because they are too immature to stay focused like girls. This study found boys test scores increased when they where sat in between girls, because their behaviour improved drastically sat next to the girls because they weren’t being silly and getting off task

He said this with such enthusiasm, that it was the most brilliant idea but me, a now 16 year old girl who was fuelled with new age feminism couldn’t make sense of his enthusiasm

Is that not teaching us girls that we are responsible for men’s bad behaviour. Furthering the issue of “well what were you wearing”

You could have heard a pin drop it was that awkwardly quiet. This was not the first I called a man out on his shit, and it was not the last.

My experience in University has been 50/50. I have met boys who have been incredibly supportive and some who have been disgustingly sexist. I have met girls like myself trying their hardest to grab onto every opportunity that flies their way and some who talk and whisper about my confidence and boldness. I’ve been in tutorials fighting to have my voice heard over obnoxious egotistical boys who interrupt because subconsciously or consciously they think their point holds far more importance than a woman’s. I remember a little blonde curly hair tyrant of a man, he interrupted me several times in a politics class while I was trying to explain the question. He stuttered and coughed his way through an incoherent answer where it sounded like he spewed up a thesaurus in an attempt to sound clever. When he finally finished his 3 minute rambling mumble I finally finished my answer to which he answered

Wow, you actually answered that correctly, well done

-

I wanted to scream, kick and yell I DON’T NEED YOUR VALIDATION

Same age as me, same level of study as me, yet when I answered better than him, his only response was a condescending well done. In this situation, he is my equal, we are equal in age and study but underlying he still believed he had the upper hand similar to the level of the teacher, and that his well done was similar to when you speak to your dog in a high pitched tone telling them their a good boy/girl

In my entrepreneurship class my business ideas were torn down, the boy poked every hole he could find in it, even when he had zero ideas himself for the group. My ideas where ill informed, stupid, unpractical, unrealistic, yet when I called him out that he had no evidence to back his claims he ran to the male lecturer, who to my delight heavily endorsed my business idea for the group

I receive judgement when I put myself forward for opportunities, when I believe in my capability, when I exude confidence. I am socially punished by my peers for not being a shrinking violet and speaking my ideas with umms and eerrs to the wall. I worked incredibly hard over the summer to establish myself as a mobile nail technician, I got qualified, and was inundated with bookings within two months. I managed to quit my horrible barista job and go self employed. I even started my own Etsy shop selling crochet patterns, all so I didn’t have to get a student loan and could rely solely on myself. When I have spoke about this unfortunately I’ve had these comments all to often

That’s a cute hobby

Is that your little side hustle then?

It’s like speaking to a brick wall and it tends to be insecure men that have these responses. Because there is nothing more terrifying to an insecure man than a successful woman. A woman calling out a man on his shit is a terrifying thing to these kinds of men. They expect to never reap what they sew. To never feel the effects of their behaviour. To never feel small and insignificant when called out. But I must make this clear, this is not all men only insecure men. A secure man is confident enough in his ability to not need to belittle others to make himself feel confident.

There came a point in my life were I stopped allowing men to put me down, make me feel small, belittle me. I started calling out boys when they interrupted and spoke over me. I would question their sarcasm, their sly remarks, shoving them out into the open, spark naked, vulnerable having to answer for their mistakes. I felt a glowing sense of pride and confidence in myself, that I was willing to push through and call them out, however inevitably the comments followed

You’re no fun anymore

No need to be so sensitive

You’re such a bitch.

A bitch is the all too common buzz word for a strong, independent woman with confidence in her capability. Continuously strong woman in the media are labelled bitches just for mirroring men’s actions

No one felt this more than Martha Stewart.

An extremely successful business woman who paved the way for women in business. She had all the qualities of an excellent CEO, a perfectionist, diligent, and ambitious. Yet she was labelled

A bitch.

A favourite word for those intimidated men who can’t handle seeing a woman reach further than them. Her mothering was called into question, her weight was routinely in the tabloids and at any hint of success she was torn to shreds. There is no forgiving of a woman displaying typically masculine attributes like dominance, assertiveness and power. A woman is confined to being nurturing, empathetic and and cooperative, which are wonderful qualities that we need more of in this society

but we live in a mans world.

We live in a world where men still dominate the top, masculine attributes are celebrated and feminine qualities are seen as weak. To succeed and march your way up you have to be strong, direct and with buckets of will power but always women in business are torn down for showing these qualities in their efforts to climb up the ladder.

A governor from Arkansas in America have called Kamala Harris’s lack of children into question. Saying “she doesn’t have anything keeping her humble”

A German podcast asked Taylor Swift when she was going to settle down and have kids. To which she responded “I really do not think men are asked that question when they turn 30, so I’m not going to answer that now,”

Woman are labled as “letting themselves go” when they allow their grey hairs to show but men are labled “silver foxes”

A woman is not allowed the same space to succeed as a man is. A woman will always be critiqued on her outfit rather than her ideas. A man will be questioned on his future ambitions in his career, a woman will be asked when she’s going to rein in her career to catch her biological clock in time. Male actors are asked on their depictions of the script, female actors are asked on the diet they followed to fit into the costumes.

We think we have came far but there is still so much further we have to go. Girls are often raised to be polite, co-operative and kind and boys to be bold, daring and independent so it’s no wonder why we all turn out this way and it’s not always our fault. Many times I’ve called out boys on their behaviour and they have changed and reevaluated their future actions. But change is only felt when people stop being bystanders and believing that sexism doesn’t affect them because it affects everyone. So I ask you, whatever gender you fall into stop laughing at Daniel’s sexist “make me a sandwich joke”. Stop shrinking when Tom interrupts you speaking. Stop staying silent to a woman’s success being reduced down to her body and whether or not she’s a mother. Because being a woman is so much more than our body, relationships and materiality. A woman has every right to claim success, to display masculine qualities and be respected as a man would.

I am forever grateful to have been surrounded by strong independent women from when I was born. They set me up for success, but I wish I could hold 14 year old me’s hand and squeeze it tight. Tell her don’t be intimidated, and keep being outspoken